how my light is spent
Feeling more so than ever how fast time is passing, I have been considering ‘how my light is spent,’ as begins one of my favorite sonnets. I am lucky to have an abundance of abundance, or sheffa in Hebrew. As grateful as I am, it can be easy to be swept up. I want to visit with every friend, go to every party, read every article, or even ride every horse.
Just like the daylight this time of year, we only have so much light. Our light could be our days on the earth or the daylight hours. Our joy or love energy that we have to share with others. The shining light of our purpose, as I feel brighter when I’m on a path that resonates with me. It could be our attention or our work.
For those of you who don’t know John Milton, he wrote Paradise Lost, so he is kind of a big deal. This epic poem was written, through dictation, five years after Milton fully lost his sight. Life’s difficulties are what bring many people to seek a concept of god. Life can be devastating, cruel in moments and loss often feels random and unfair. In these moments I have also questioned how, if there is a god, could he let such a thing happen? We may never know, and if we ever do, it is almost never so at the time.
Pema Chodron, a buddhist monk, writes “since death is certain but the time of death is uncertain what's the most important thing?” This year I have resolved:
Not to spend my light ruminating on annoyances, moments of conflict, or life's frustrations, watching tv or scrolling, making excuses to not walk my dog or living a sedentary lifestyle.
To spend my light writing essays, poetry, a dog training book and a memoir, creating a beautiful space to host intimate gatherings, growing The Naked Dog, making memories with my loved ones, and doing a few things that scare the shit out of me - just like sharing my writing and my innermost thoughts used to.
Consider how your light is spent. Is your time and energy serving your highest purpose? Have you spent some of your light taking the time to figure out what that may be?