reflecting on Rosh Hashanah
September 17, 2020
"Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish new year, is the perfect time for us, Jewish or not, to take stock of the past year and make a roadmap for how we want to live the next"
In college, my sweet friends Alexi Kossew and Jeri Silverman took me to synagogue for Yom Kippur with their family. I am jewish, but I wasn't Jewish. I didn't know about the holidays or rituals because I didn't go to Hebrew school. I didn't like the 'look' of the orthodox women above and men below in the synagogue. I didn't like being told to do anything - to fast, to wear white, and to spend all day repenting before the gates closed and my next year was written, but I was there. I wanted to understand the value and find a way to relate to it.
I have learned about the traditions best from women who converted to Judaism. Not having grown up with it and coming to the material as an adult they had to make sense of it for themselves, to find a way of engaging with it that resonated, to do what I am doing now and translate it for themselves to find the deepest value. She told me "when else in your year do you set aside a whole day to sit and think about the past year?" And of course, the answer was never. Sitting in synagogue provided that. The Al Chet prayer gave a framework to think about my 'sins,' or, the things I have done that year that have been less than ideal.
My grandmother said the translation of the word sin is 'to miss the mark.' It doesn't mean to have bad intentions, it just means that you didn't quite hit the nail on the head in terms of being in alignment with your values or highest self in that action or situation. Very few people are evil or want to hurt others, they just miss the mark. It's important for us to look at the ways we can do better, even if we didn't intend to do harm, to acknowledge in moments we still did.
Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur offer us a yearly reminder that it's worthwhile to intentionally reflect. Think about who you are - both today, right now, and who you truly are in your deepest self. Do the two match?
Think about your past year. Go month by month and remember what happened in your life and relationships. What are you proud of? Is there anywhere you 'missed the mark' and perhaps want to honor that acknowledgement with an apology? To err is human. All we can do is own it and forgive ourselves, apologize where it would do go to and resolve to make a different choice moving forward.
Think about that best self you touched in to a moment ago and imagine the year ahead if you were to be that person. As Gennolyn Doyle writes in Untamed, use your imagination to picture your 'truest and most beautiful life.' It takes a little while to sit with that question and really let the vision unfold. Don't think about what's expected of you or what other people want. What do you truly want in the year ahead? What do you want to feel? What do you want to create? Who do you want to be to your loved ones? What is your soul calling out for? What parts of yourself that you have denied want to be brought out? What parts of yourself that you push forward are tired and want to rest?
If we don't take time to reflect, we carry on as we are and pretty soon years have passed of us not consciously getting in touch with who we are today (which won't be the same as yesterday or last year) and what we want. The high holidays offer immeasurable value in calling us to do this work. And it doesn't have to take place in synagogue or involve fasting all day.
Take a moment between Rosh Hashanah Friday 9/18 and Yom Kippur Sunday 9/27 to think about who you are, who you were last year and who you want to be next year, using my prompts or the ones in this link or whatever else you want to and you have celebrated and honored the holiday and taken this opportunity to be the owner and creator of your own story.