what does it mean to be alive right now?

What does it mean to be alive right now?

The answer isn’t in your phone…

I went to a concert after a tough moment with a good friend. As is most of our natural inclination, I spun in my mind as the incredible band played and I swayed, absentmindedly. In a moment of clarity I thought, “What the fuck am I doing?” If I were to die in five minutes, would I want to spend the last five minutes of my life thinking about a disagreement that wouldn’t matter a month from now? NOPE.

Instead, I found my way into the moment. I looked around the room and asked myself “What is it like to be alive right now?” I watched the band, listened to the music note by note, got into my body and explored how movement felt instead of just shifting my weight unconsciously from side to side.
Looking around the room at the humans and how unique their faces and appearance was I saw a guy not just dancing, but really going for it. If I was going to die, I wanted to spend my last few minutes dancing like that guy. I put my bag and jacket down, finally in the moment and having fun. By the end of the show I was against the back wall dancing with friends, people walking through the large empty space between the crowd and us no doubt watching the three people busting out.

This terrified me even two years ago, to be on display, to be enthusiastic about anything, to be seen dancing, something I only had the courage to learn to do in this chapter of my life.

What did it matter what anyone thought of me, if I was on rhythm, if I looked fucking stupid? This paled in comparison to doing what felt right, being in my body, having fun, enjoying this moment in my life on earth.

Losing my friend has made each moment that much more precious. Life seems infinitely short and precariously fragile. If you were to die five minutes from now, what is more important? It isn’t petty squabbles, wounded egos, looking cool, or doing what you think you should be. When I live in the moment and not in my mind, small joys reveal themselves to me in nuances and details. The trick is to learn to sit in silence and be or observe instead of retreating, habitually, into my mind or my phone.