make-up doesn’t matter

With nine events on my calendar today and three that weren’t, I got a text that a friend from Burning Man was visiting and at a bar downtown with a group I hadn’t seen in a while. I made a last minute decision to drive there with my dog in rush hour in the rain wearing essentially loungewear.

I had no make up on, my hair, which looked awesome yesterday, was in a humid fluff, and my skin was quietly announcing my impending menstrual cycle. The rain, the traffic, my appearance, and my packed schedule would have normally been an excuse to go home. What is interesting about grief is that it has cast in stark relief what is important - and that wasn't looking perfect, it was seeing my friends.

As I sat in my car feeling insecure without my armor of a put together outfit, the mask of makeup, and a perfectly designed timeline, I thought, what the fuck?

I took one of my first car selfies - on this day of all days. Here is the thing. This is the face of a woman who is killing it.

I just bought my first house.

Me and my amazing roommate have almost completely furnished it in under two months.

We are ramping up to throw a kick ass party that we will be so proud of.

I have my horse close to home and a wonderful teenage girl to share him with.

My dog is 11 years happy and healthy and I am about to get her a Doxie friend to share her golden years with.

We have recently doubled the staff in my business. We have doubled our services. We are all growing and sharing the gift we have been given with clients and each other.

Plus we had these badass jackets made. And I just got mine today. And it actually fits me.

I have more incredible amazing beautiful souls in my world than I can count. And I love them and they love me. God, I am so blessed for that alone.

I feel so solid in the work I have done on myself and am so proud of how I am responding to life’s curve balls and the changes I have seen. The work worked and I’m not the person I was before and more the person I was before that.

I’m living in my purpose, sharing my writing - both essays and poetry, bringing people together, hosting events designed to connect and enrich, and, in the spirit of my grandmother, offering loving admiration to everyone I can.

Most importantly, just like I did today in my glasses and leggings, I’m not waiting to be perfect to live my life. Make up doesn’t matter. Presence and connection does.