common side effects of grief

Grief is weird. I’m writing these so someone else in it can feel a little less alone on this fucking trip of the human experience. I’m writing to help anyone who loves someone who has lost to understand what may be happening and how to be of support.

This is what it’s looked like:⁣⁣⁣⁣
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At first I cried. Instead of hugs, talking, or offering platitudes, sit with me and wait for it to pass. I’m proud of myself for letting waves of emotion wash through me instead of bracing against them and burying them, a debt to be paid with interest at a later date.⁣⁣⁣⁣
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Try not to look at me with ‘are you okay? Are you going to cry?’ eyes. I’m mostly okay. You can treat me like a normal person. But, like, kind of because...⁣⁣⁣⁣
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I’m super sensitive. I have lost whatever smoothness allowed things to flow off my back. I’m raw. Be gentle.⁣⁣⁣⁣
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I have a low frustration tolerance. Very. Getting dressed is a challenge. I have put on passable loungewear and worn it for a day and a half. No need to point that out to me. I know you know. Having to parallel park has made me want to cry. Customer service interactions haven’t been amazing.⁣⁣⁣⁣
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I’m low key angry all the time at god, the world, life. I try to keep it cool because I love you and I know it isn’t about you. If a snap slips out, know I’m doing my best.⁣⁣⁣⁣
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I trail off in the middle of sentences. You can wait for me to realize or nudge me back gently. I can’t always remember what I was saying.⁣⁣⁣
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As a lifelong lover of the English language I have given up spell checking for the first time in my life. You‘ll figure out what I mean. It’s fine. My mantra of ‘it’s good enough’ is probably a good practice for me anyway.⁣⁣⁣⁣
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I’m normal, but I’m also debilitated. I’m in a haze. I have become a somewhat dangerous driver because my mind is elsewhere.⁣⁣⁣⁣
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When I can’t understand what a friend is saying I ask them to speak to me like I’m stupid.⁣⁣⁣
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That’s what I said, but I was embarrassed to write stupid so I googled a less offensive synonym but none of the pages definitively offered one. I felt defeated and abandoned the essay. So, whatever that is, the word for that.